Just call me Saffron, will you?

Migrated

2007-01-17T21:06:00.000+08:00

I did say I'm not posting here anymore.

But who says you can't find me there?

Thank you, all

2006-11-16T13:16:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

I know I have been away for far too long. But you know what? I like this extended absence. And, no, I don't think I'm obliged to tell you why I haven't been writing.

My 3 nights in the hospital had taught me a lot, humbled me in so many ways.

Now that I'm home, perhaps there is a lot more to life than just writing about me, me and me.

This blog had been a part of me for a good 2 years. So many pictures, so many words of comfort offered by friends and strangers when I'm feeling down.

But I guess all good things must come to an end.

And this is where I know, for sure, that I don't connect with emo writing anymore. That I don't creep up to the PC at 4.30am crying, blogging.

As much as the past should remain in the past, I don't think I will ever have the heart to delete this blog. I had always known that you can't just press backspace in life and erase the unpleasantness.

So this blog stays.

But I will go.

Perhaps one day, when I have trouble sleeping and I switch on the computer at 3am, I will write again.

Thank you for being with me in the past 200 posts. Thank you for your words of comfort and your random acts of kindness. Thank you for making me laugh and offering tissues when I bawl. Thank you for the days spent in the glorious sunshine and the rainy days that kept us indoors.

Thank you.

With much love,
Joy

Press to detonate

2006-10-04T01:49:00.000+08:00

11 months down, you still know which buttons to push.

And that other night, you pushed the ones that made me fall in love with you.

So, so long ago.

Just promise me you won't do that anymore.

Please?

Good day to you, too, asshole

2006-09-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

If you're going to complain and whine about work and how I'm "not supposed to do this-and-that-to-you", please.

Just get out of my sight alright?

I don't have time for this. And even if I did, I don't need this shit.

Especially from you.

If you think I'm giving you too much work, then you obviously don't respect me as your superior.

Because you didn't show up the first day.

Came late the second day.

And sms-ed me early this morning saying you had some family emergency and can't come to work.

So, tell me. Is this how you work?

Or is this just how you work with me?

I may be younger in age and size. But I'll tell you what.

I was once where you were. And I had to do the same things you did.

Only, my fee then wasn't as much as yours. I didn't have the privilege to demand for what you're asking. Because back then, people don't earn that much. No matter how good they are.

I'll be honest with you. I'm not obliged to put up with this shit. So don't make it seem like I fucking owe you a living.

So, please.

Use your Goddamn common sense and review yourself before you think I'm incompetent/stupid/a pushover.

Because I had a fucking fever today and my face was and still is swollen. My ear hurts and I can't even talk properly.

I hope you're happy to know that I did all this for you.

Have a nice life.

Mind boggling issue

2006-09-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

I've always wondered why is it that Korean actresses can cry without having their noses run. At all.

They don't sob. They breathe evenly. They still manage to make their speech coherent. And they actually look really pretty when they're crying.

On average, they cry 3 times in each episode, with each episode lasting about 48 minutes. And each crying session takes about a minute. And you don't see noses dripping. At all.

Amazing, isn't it?

Wake me up when September ends

2006-09-03T14:00:00.000+08:00

Not this year.

No, not this year.

September this year would be great, I know.

2006-08-30T13:36:00.000+08:00

Seeing that I'd been taged by Faith ages ago, I think it's time to revive this almost-dead blog.

AWESOME PEOPLE I WANNA MEET:

Sean Penn
Robbie Williams
Dido
Steve McCurry
Blasco Giurato

THINGS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:

Mobile phone
Camera
Tank tops and shorts
Cute slippers
Family, friends and work

I WISH I COULD:

Take better pictures
Really go to Cambodia in December
Have better eyesight
Get my ass off this chair and do something useful
Tell those people exactly what I think of them

I WANT:

World peace =)
The weather to be sunny on from the 13th September to the 16th September
To have nicer teeth
People to stop telling me I'm skinny
To hit puberty (Ha ha ha)

SONGS THAT I THINK ARE AWESOME:

White Flag - Dido
Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
Cinema Paradiso - Ennio Morricone
Alone - Shimokawa Mikuni

HOW I SEE MYSELF IN 10 YEARS:

(Hopefully) married
Well-travelled =)
Not doing monkey work and getting paid peanuts
Fiddling with a (bigger) camera
Smiling

RANDOM FACTS:

There is a reason behind the gap between my teeth. Just ask me
I'm not girly, but I *heart* manicures and pedicures
My spine is curved, has been since the day I was born
Disco Ball Pixie is my latest obsession
I love fireworks

MISCONCEPTIONS:

I am slightly more than 12 years old (just slightly)
I don't have a temper at work
I am a hardcore clubber and I know the clubbing scene at the back of my hand
I drive like a maniac (I swear I don't)
I am quiet (HAH!)

I TAG:

Cleaning up my PC

2006-08-29T20:52:00.000+08:00

I have too many pictures in my poor overloaded hard disk, you see.

I figured I shouldn't let pictures go to waste.

I, Robot

2006-08-25T18:37:00.000+08:00

There was a time when I went "Oh, I must blog this."

Other times, I'd be composing blog entries moments before falling into deep slumber.

I started this blog because I knew that I can always say what I want to say. In here.

I can always seem to find words that will describe how I'm feeling. In here.

And then one day, the words stopped coming to me.

That one day must've been months ago.

Because somehow, I don't remember when, everything gets stuck inside. All the happiness, the sadness, the disappointments and waves of relief. All stuck.

The feelings that reminded me that the blood which courses through my veins is warm. The kind of feelings that made me human.

It's been such a long time since I've written anything remotely real.

Girls watch World Cup, too

2006-07-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

I'd been busy, yes.

What with work, and end of semester in school and the World Cup.

Scoff if you want. I am, after all, a girl.

But then again, I'm probably a girl who's been watching football a lot longer than you have. And my football vocabulary might be a tad bigger than yours. If you'd like to know, no, my favorite player is not Fernando Torres or (ugh!) David Beckham or someone equally poster-boy.

I still do the occasional girly thing when I see closeups of players I happen to like on screen. But, yeah, that's just about it.

My team?

The Azzurri.

PS: Shut up if you think I'm supporting the team just because they're in the Finals/the players are handsome and Totti is to-die-for. You're not worthy of my time =)

Notice

2006-06-14T01:50:00.000+08:00

Will be gone till further notice.

No, I didn't go fishing.

Blood ties

2006-06-06T18:51:00.000+08:00

Shannon and Yong Wei were here last weekend with my aunt.

It had been ages since I last saw them.

Shannon's in Primary Three this year, Yong Wei in Primary Four.

My mum noted that Shannon looked a lot like I did when I was 9.

Scrawny, long-limbed, dark-skinned, boyish, with a body of a wannabe swimmer.

I liked that comparison.

We are, after all, family.

Yong Wei took after his mum in looks and in behavior. And Shannon, after her daddy, who is my cousin Xiang.

I remember when Yong Wei was a tiny screaming baby who wouldn't sleep if there was no air conditioning. I remember when he was barely a month old and my brother and I noticed the similarities between our nephew and Crayon Shin. I remember when he first addressed me as his aunt when he was a wee toddler.

I remember that one time, before Shannon was born, when Yong Wei wouldn't fall asleep until his mum held him close and whispered into his ear that Daddy and Mummy loved him.

I met Shannon before she turned two. She'd just rolled out of bed and had wandered downstairs alone. It was as if time stood still for a moment when we all caught sight of the toddler looking sleepily at us. And then she broke into a shy, dimpled grin that made me fall in love.

Their childhood is pretty much like the one I had with my older brother. School holidays were spent visiting my aunt and her family in Singapore. They'd take us to tourist spots, feed us well, and always, always made sure we went to the Science Center.

There was one year when we made our usual visit and my cousin Xiang was serving his term in the army. 11 years my senior, I had been so fascinated, just watching him polish his boots and lacing them up before we all made our way to the bus stop. Xiang had held my hand when we were crossing the road, and I remember the pride I felt when people looked our way. That's my cousin Xiang holding my hand, see, and looking all handsome and grown up in his army uniform. I was pretty attached to Xiang as a child. And I'd make him give me piggyback rides sometimes. He told me horror stories that he'd heard in the army on the nights that I'd insisted on sleeping in his bedroom. Sometimes, he'd show me pictures from his photo albums. Always with a different girl.

For the years that my brother and I had stayed with them whenever we were in Singapore, it's funny how Xiang's children are staying with us now whenever they come to Malaysia. It's like a cycle, that Xiang's children do the exact same things with us, just like my brother and I did with him.

When they were here last weekend, I regretted not having enough time to spend with them. I have 2 papers to sit for on Monday, you see. So I couldn't very well go gallivanting around town with them, though I think I'd have loved it if I did.

I did, however, manage to do a spot of camwhoring with them. And it made me see how these 2 have grown. Shannon could work my camera on her own after fiddling with it for a couple of minutes. Yong Wei, on the other hand, was playing the older brother who obliged his sister's commands to pose for the camera.

At one point of time, Shannon had asked if she could review the pictures she'd taken. I showed her. And she came across an old picture that I've kept.

The conversation went like this:

Shannon: Who's that?
Me: That's my ex boyfriend.
Shannon: What about now?
Me: No more.
Shannon: Did you get a divorce?
Me: No, I didn't. It's called breaking up. We weren't married.
Shannon: So why did you break up?
Me: Because he was leaving for another country.
Shannon: So you broke up just because he was leaving?
Me: Yes.
Shannon: But that's such a minor problem. You could work it out and stay together.

It broke my heart to have it come from my own niece. I would've laughed on any other given day. But I didn't. Because the parents of the little girl sitting on my lap were divorced.

The divorce had been bitter, and Xiang had custody of the children. But life hadn't been a bed of roses for them.

"Mummy said she'd come see us this weekend. But I'm tired of waiting. I think she lied to me again. I don't think I'll believe her anymore," Yong Wei once said to me a couple of years ago.

These were children who had been through a lot more than I have. Children who had been burdened with secrets that were never theirs to begin with. Children who had been threatened with death if they ever spoke of those secrets. These are children who had grown up being fed with half-truths, and being let down with countless broken promises. These are children who were mature beyond their years, who had grown up way too fast. These are children who blamed themselves for the divorce of their parents.

These are children, who never knew what it really is like being children.

I haven't seen Xiang in a few years. I wonder how he's doing. I want him to know that I've paid everything forward, that I love his kids as much as he loved me.

Shannon, Yong Wei, it is my privilege to have you two as my nephew and my niece. You have both taught koo-koo many things in life that koo-koo has taken for granted. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.

There are so many reasons I love these two. Reasons that extend beyond our blood ties.

So much damage had been done to them, and I don't know if they can ever be reversed. So much hurt inflicted that I wonder if they will ever heal. So much more broken than I had ever been. So many secrets contained in minds that had been aged with circumstances.

It's not fair that they had been robbed of the privilege of being children.

I would give everything I have, if only they can have a childhood like mine.

Life Sentence

2006-06-02T03:29:00.000+08:00

The worst possible way to be sentenced.

Ever.

Missing

2006-06-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

That special kind of feeling.

Making of a commercial

2006-05-31T23:57:00.000+08:00

Someone sent me this the other day. Helped relieve the exam stress a little. And all you advertising people, let's all join hands because we all know it's true.

fidget fidget

2006-05-30T23:48:00.000+08:00

With the exams just around the corner, I'm starting to feel more than edgy.

I fidget so much that I don't think it's possible for my chair to ever get warm.

While I've not launched into a full panic attack mode yet, I don't quite like what I'm feeling now.

*sigh*

Hidup seorang mahasiswi.

EMO!!!!11ONEone

2006-05-29T18:08:00.000+08:00

Of course lah emo. Just found out that exams are in exactly 7 days, and not 9 days as I had happily been counting down. Tiu.

No longer a Thai Club virgin

2006-05-28T17:31:00.000+08:00

I've never stepped foot in Thai Club until last night.

And let me tell you, I might never go back there again.

Kan I budak baik, tak pergi clubbing.
*I'm a decent girl, I don't go clubbing.

So, anyway.

Thai Club.

I think it's a place built for Ah Bengs with turned up collars and imitation Italian shoes. That are so shiny they're almost reflective.

It's also for foreign white men who want to get their hands on our post surgery women and ladyboys . READ: Cheapskate foreign white men who want someone else to warm up their hotel beds for them.

There was this woman. She had such a bad nose job that I swear I'd rather die than traumatize anyone looking like that.

See, I'm not being subjective by saying she had a bad nose job. Ask Emily and Sharon. They'll say the same thing. No Chinese woman would have a nose that looks exactly like the one MJ has after his numerous reconstructions.

Wait. Screw that.

No human being would have an MJ nose without surgery.

So, yeah, this woman with the nose job, she was all over this white man, and she was pressing herself against him and smiling like a demure Asian woman would.

Now, this white man. I reckon that he's not all that popular with the ladies back home, wherever he came from. He looked like the kind of guy that got beaten up regularly in high school.

Right behind our table, was this couple.

The guy looked a little younger than my dad. Surly. I'm assuming he's about 40.

Seated right beside him, is a ladyboy who had one hand dangerously close to his nether regions.

I'm not sure if her surgery is 100% complete, but she still looked extremely manly to me.

The people seated on our left, they kept trying to hit on the girls in our group. And, no lah, we're not interested in Ah Bengs, ohkay? Besides, I'm sure conversations between us won't last 3 seconds.

Sharon had to share her crown with another girl who occupied the table right in front of ours with her group of very rowdy friends.

This girl, she was extremely friendly with everyone. I don't know how much she had to drink, but she almost kissed me on my mouth when I was only about to shake her hand to wish her a polite birthday greeting.

I would've loved people-watching the entire night, but I had to pretend to be slightly drunk and swaying my non-existent hips to the crappy music they were churning out. The ladyboy caught me stealing glances at her and I was afraid that she might just come over to beat me up.

Since I couldn't turn around anymore, I had to limit my scope to only 180 degrees. That's when I caught the nose job woman staring daggers at me. Apparently, the white man was subtly trying to gain my attention with her hanging on his arm.

Sigh.

Only 90 degrees left now.

Due to dangers that might lead to horrible catfights, my scope of vision for the entire night was limited to watching 2 Ah Bengs and 1 Ah Lian do the Melbourne Shuffle to YMCA.

Yay to Thai Club.

Oh, I'm sure the white man scored that night because I saw the woman with the nose job getting into a taxi with him when we left.

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 7

2006-05-27T19:23:00.000+08:00

Emily goes parasailing. I didn't get a video of myself cos Emily didn't know how to use the video mode on my camera. Phbbt.

Lancer teases Monster

2006-05-26T17:13:00.000+08:00

My Little Monster was teased by a sleek looking champagne colored Lancer on the road.

All the way from Puchong right up till USJ.

I should have listened to my mum when she insisted I switched back to a stock exhaust pipe.

But, no. I had to use that Milo tin on the road. Tsk.

Unwanted attention.

The guy in the Lancer was good looking, though =)

And I saw him glancing at his rearview mirror a few times when he was teasing my Little Monster to get closer to his Lancer =)

Is good looking. Is many good.

*sprinkles confetti at you*

OMG 3 DOWN~

2006-05-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yay~

Only about...*counts fingers slowly*...

Many more to go.

Sigh.

A quick note to all

2006-05-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

Who says I don't eat?

2006-05-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

For the last time, all you jealous-of-skinny-people skeptics.

I am not anorexic.

I am just naturally skinny.

And if me making fat jokes is rude, well, you making skinny jokes isn't that much better.

For your information, I do eat.

Probably more often than you do. And in larger portions.

Don't hate me for my high metabolism rate. Know that my heart has to work a lot harder than yours to help me stay this size. Know that because my heart works a lot harder than yours, I'm more likely to die a whole lot earlier than you.

I like eating rubbish like the super thick toast they have in Kim Gary. With lots of sweetened condensed milk/peanut butter/margarine.

This is a horrible, sickly picture, I know. But it was only because I was dumped the night before. I swear. At least I was still eating.

See, I can usually finish off one whole pizza by myself. Only if it's for lunch or dinner. With a serving of pasta.

I'm not often that barbaric. I just like to look ugly for the camera. At least I didn't chew and gape.

The best nasi lemak is always served wrapped in a banana leaf. And it must not cost more than two bucks. Or it wouldn't taste as good anymore.

So yes, I do eat.

And look at the trouble I go to just to prove to you that I have no intentions of starving myself to death.

I hope you're really happy now.

I did it my way

2006-05-22T02:39:00.000+08:00

***WARNING EMO POST AHEAD***

For all the times I wondered what God's plans for me are, it came to me today why He did what He did.

You came into my life as suddenly as you had left, it seemed. Why, why, why God chose to make you walk in, I never understood.

Until today.

Reasons, reasons. Reasons that I could not see. Reasons that made me angry. Reasons that made me cry.

Reasons that were meant to make me a better person.

You came to me when I was down. You came along and drew me out of that shell I sought refuge in. You came and told me things about myself I never knew. You came and taught me to live for now. You came and showed me that it's never wrong to dream. You came and made me love myself a lot more than I did.

So many, so many things I learned from you. So many.

And today I saw exactly what God had intended for me. The plans that had been carefully laid out. The path that he had paved for me to walk on.

I take comfort in knowing that God had sent you to save me when I couldn't save myself.

I take comfort in knowing that you helped shape me into what I am today. Here, still standing.

I take comfort in knowing that no one else will ever come close to what you did for me.

And I take comfort in knowing that it is only I, the one who was once broken and lost, who will love you the way I do. In a way that no one will ever understand.

Fishing

2006-05-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

I finally finished reading Finding Fish by Antwone Quenton Fisher last night.

It took me 2 months on and off.

There are times when I forget that it was not a mere story I was reading.

Sometimes, I forget that it is an autobiography, a poignant tale written by a man who lives many, many miles away from me.

But that man, who survived years of abuse and hardship, is as real as you and I.

The writer reminds me that I came from somewhere, even if I felt lost at times. That someone out there taught me to fish, so that I will never go hungry again.

Even if I never get to meet you in this lifetime, I'd like you to know that you have inspired me, Mr Fisher.

Thank you.

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 6

2006-05-20T15:48:00.000+08:00

I miss the sunshine and the lazing around so much.

*cries*

This is not a mistake I assure you. It's the sky. Blue. Untouched. I like.

It was a really beautiful day. I swear. And lots of sights to see.

I could see Emily grinning at me like the buffoon she is.

All this. I saw. From here.

Happy Birthday Sayang~ Pt. 3

2006-05-19T00:31:00.000+08:00

Because I need to post this up but I'm still freaking lazy to edit the pictures properly, I did a half-assed job and posted them up anyway.

We had the do at Wong Kok Char Chan Teng in SS2.

Just to prove that it's his birthday that day so he can be eligible to get the big bucket of iced tea.

See how much he loves his iced tea? See? See?

Well, not anymore after we forced him to down it. Watch the video in the previous entry.

Sayang + Sayang <3

Because we all love him and call him sayang, we have to let the whole world know it, too.

He was absolutely in love with the present Quant got him. Some anime thing.

And the attendees are all here. Except for Wei Ling who jumped at the chance to be behind the camera.

I'll include a video for the fact that I have one and that it's free to upload it here. I like lah. My blog what.

Happy Birthday Sayang~ Pt.2

2006-05-18T13:33:00.000+08:00

Because I'm still too lazy to edit pictures.

Kids, don't try this at home.

Thank you

2006-05-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Thank you for drink, the smokes, the talk, the hug.

Thank you for the rescue mission.

Thank you for noticing that the perky kid you met last year have grown up.

Thank you for still being there for me.

Thank you.

Happy Birthday Sayang~

2006-05-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

Location: Wong Kok Char Chan Teng SS2
Attendees: Wei Ling, Quant, Sai Yik, Suet Yee, Nicholas, Joy and Wai Yip
Occasion: Wai Yip's 23rd birthday

PS Pictures will be in later after some massive Photoshopping

This is how I feel today

2006-05-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

pen·sive (pnsv)
adj.

Deeply, often wistfully or dreamily thoughtful.
Suggestive or expressive of melancholy thoughtfulness.

The final batch of pictures from the World Cup outing

2006-05-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I'm sick of putting them up part by part.

.....

Alright, I'll admit I'm just lazy.

So here's the final part.

See there wasn't much to do at the launch/unveiling/glitzy media do. So we had to do stuff to keep ourselves entertained.

And there we all are, with our plastic smiles and 2 seconds with the Cup. I'll have you know that we're shooed unceremoniously off the stage after this shot.

We both know

2006-05-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes, I worry about you," I said softly.

"I worry about myself, too," you said to me. "But you and I both know the person I am."

I felt my lips form a smile, not quite upturned. "I know," I said to you.

My Confession - A Picture Diary

2006-05-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

Call it a sequel to Drown with Me.

Call it a re-edit.

Call it anything.

But here's the video.

And I'm damn proud that it travelled to India for a film festival.

*goes round group hugging with Mien, John Goh, Clarice, James, Tao, Chino, James' mum, Philip, Shabnam and everyone else in between*

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 5

2006-05-11T15:46:00.000+08:00

Because I miss the sunshine. Because I miss the company. Because I miss us.

Stories for my mother

2006-05-10T23:51:00.000+08:00

I met this boy from Botswana in my class 2 days ago.

Nice chap, soft spoken. And I decided that I like him already.

We were having a conversation with Mien today. About most things taboo.

Mien and I voiced our disgust at the young once-couple that was fined for "indecency" in KLCC park last year. They were hugging.

Then the boy said softly, "I had a friend who was beaten up for it."

Stunned, I asked, "Beaten up for what?"

"For hugging his girlfriend."

Silence.

"By who?" I asked.

"These 2 security guards at his place," he said with a somewhat wistful smile.

I blinked a couple of times. I tried to digest what I just heard.

But I couldn't.

"So did he make a police report?"

He shook his head. "He didn't want any trouble."

Right that instant, I wanted to apologize for his friend's trauma, for the no-hugging-and-kissing-in-public laws, for simply being Malaysian.

Damage was done.

Because an African boy who was hugging his girlfriend was beaten up by 2 Malaysian security guards who wanted to play God and punish those who are indecent, those who are wrong.

I wonder what stories the African boy will have to write home about.

Herd mentality irritates me

2006-05-09T02:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. The day after.

Always.

Now do you get the point?

Happy Birthday Edwin~

2006-05-07T12:14:00.000+08:00

Don't kill me lah ohkay? I thought it was cool that you were enjoying CNY songs after shoot =)

Curly Luke

2006-05-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

When I first met Luke, I was a little smitten with his friendly demeanour.

He was by far one of the easiest talents to work with. And he had never once complained about the insane working hours.

That was almost 2 years ago.

I met Luke again yesterday at Imaginex where I was due for a recording session.

I couldn't recognize him. Until Mei pointed him out to me.

And then it dawned upon me why those blond curls that were stuffed under a cap were so familiar. And those startling blue eyes, cheeky as ever.

"Hello," Luke greeted me as I sank into the couch next to him outside the pantry area.

The corners of his eyes crinkled and those blue eyes of his smiled at me before his mouth turned upwards.

I had to smile back.

He had the face of a boy so mischievous, yet it is impossible to even come close to being angry with him. Perhaps it's the way his eyes twinkle and the way they invite you to be part of the big secret, whatever it may be.

I should also mention that Luke is Australian and in his 30's. And, oh yes. He's married with a child, too.

Later in the day, I discovered that Luke is the musician behind the commercial I was working on. That would probably explain why he was settled in the plush couch in the studio.

When the music was played, I watched Luke bounce in his seat like a very excited little boy. He was singing along with his eyes closed and his blond curls were wilder than ever.

I tried to suppress my giggles.

It was over in 30 seconds.

I loved it.

So did Virginia. And Mei. And Choy and Riza and Zaid.

It had a campy feel and it was so young, so cheerful, that we all had smiles plastered on our faces a long time after we had listened to the music.

I haven't worked with children in such a long time. I missed the way they say things that make me giggle to myself. And they always made my day, no matter how crappy it had been.

Bumping into Luke again that day made me feel like I was in the company of a child.

And he so made my day.

There you go

2006-05-03T17:42:00.000+08:00

Because I'm such a lazy bum, you just have to content yourself with the video.

Come along now.

Shoo.

Guess where I was on the 8th of March 2006?

2006-05-02T18:54:00.000+08:00

I'm only about 2 months late.

But so what?

You'll all see it on TV in another month anyway.

*evil cackle*

PS I've got more tomorrow =)

How long would it take for men to discover my potential?

2006-04-30T02:25:00.000+08:00

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Virginia asked me the other day when I was on the way to her apartment.

I sucked in my breath. And I think my answer sounded like a sigh.

"No," I said simply, dreading the conversation that was to follow.

"Why not?"

I shrugged.

I saw her nod to herself out of the corner of my eye.

"Don't you worry. Men took some time to discover my potential," she said cheerfully as I dropped her off at the guardhouse.

I did some thinking on the way back to the office.

Virginia is very attractive. She is also in her 40s.

I groaned to myself.

I want to be attractive now.

I don't think I want men to discover my potential only when I'm in my 40s.

Drown with Me - The Video

2006-04-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

Finally.

I present you, Drown with Me - the video, by Fallen Leaves.

*applause*

Singing in the shower

2006-04-27T20:54:00.000+08:00

I came home smiling on Tuesday after our Earthquake session.

I was surprised I was happy.

I was almost myself that day. Almost. Save for that bad limp I have.

I could laugh at you. I could laugh with you.

I could finally look at you in the eye and not have tears threatening to drown us both.

I asked if I could have a go on the swing. I had been avoiding it for months.

So many things I wanted to tell you, so many things. And they had nothing to do with wanting you back.

Because you see, I sang in the shower when I came home that night.

I picked up all the stuff you gave me over the year. Little things. Put them away in a box.

I flipped through the camera manual that you returned to me. My camera manual, not ours, just because we used the same model. Mine.

I deleted the SMS you sent me that afternoon, something about you calling me later. Can't remember.

And then it struck me.

I knew I was over you.

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 4

2006-04-26T16:46:00.000+08:00

I want to go back where the sun shines and the waves roll and the jellyfishes sting.

If you get wet, you'll get sick

2006-04-24T23:46:00.000+08:00

If you get wet, you'll get sick.

I found this picture online. It made me smile to myself.

If I get wet, I'll get sick.

I know, because you said that to me a long time ago.

I remember that day.

When we were both caught in the rain and I was wearing a white top and slippers and you tried to shield me from the rain, albeit feebly, with 2 hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I wiped raindrops from my eyes.

"If you get wet, you'll get sick," you said to me.

"But your hands won't help when it's a storm," I argued.

"Alright," you said, "let's make a run back to the car, then."

I was smiling inwardly then.

Those 2 seconds of your hands over my head felt like a millenia to me.

True, I was still cold and shivering by the time we made it back to the car.

But I remember till today, that if I get wet, I'll get sick.

Because it didn't matter to you then, that you will be the one who'll be sick if you get wet.

That was such a long time ago.

My first speaking part

2006-04-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

"Do you know," Virginia began as I brought my car to a halt at the traffic lights in Phileo Damansara, "that many actresses in Hollywood take many years before they get a speaking part?"

I nodded quietly.

"And here you are, your first commercial and you've got lines!" she squealed.

"But, Virginia, the commercial is..." I said.

"For panty napkins. I know," she said matter-of-factly.

Yay~

2006-04-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

My baby's back from a one week trip in Cambodia/Vietnam~

*I was referring to my camera. Wtf did you think it was?

Crap!

2006-04-18T02:06:00.000+08:00

It's 2 days to shoot and I sprained my ankle this morning.

Saffron is Miss June

2006-04-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

It's not June yet, but I'm itching to showcase my 2 seconds of fame.

So remember to ask them for the calendar the next time you make an order, alright?

I'd rather be full of shit

2006-04-13T13:13:00.000+08:00

I was out for sup kambing with Leonard the other day.

And I brought up the subject of being the butt of skinny jokes.

So I said, "I know why I'm still skinny. It's because I shit everyday. So my body doesn't absorb anything important enough for me to get fat."

With all seriousness, he looked at me and asked, "So you're saying you'd rather be full of shit is it?"

"..."

Me-me

2006-04-11T20:58:00.000+08:00

Because I was bored and decided to check out Julian's blog, now I have to do this silly me-me.

Hey, it rhymes!

Details, details and more details

Nicknames: Auntie, Sor Poh, Piggy
B-day: 20th February
Age: 23
Sex: Female
Where do you live: At home
Pets: I wish
Zodiac Sign: Pisces
Righty or Lefty: I can smoke with either one
Hair color: Black with donno-what-color faded streaks
Hair length: Short
Eye color: Dark brown
Height: 5 feet something, 4 I think

Do you wear contacts or glasses?: Always contacts when on shoot, glasses in the office
Do you have any piercings?: 3 on my right ear, 2 on my left ear and one on my nose
Do you have a tattoo?: Yes, a palm-sized tribal dragon on my lower left back
Do you wear any rings?: Nada
Do you have a certain fashion you follow?: My own

Current News...

How are you today?: Dying of abdominal cramps
What pants are you wearing right now?: Shorts from FOS
What shirt are you wearing right now?: Some old tee I got for 10 bucks
What does your hair look like at the moment?: Unkempt
What song are you listening to right now?: OST Cinema Paradiso
What was the last thing you ate?: Prawns
Last person you talked to on the phone?: Kamil
Last Dream you can remember: I was visibly pregnant with donno-who's kid and I'm supposed to marry some other guy that I don't even know
Who are you talking to right now?: The voices in my head
What are the last four digits of your phone number?: 7300

Random Stuff..

If you were a crayon, what color would you want to be?: Yellow
What CD are you going to buy next?: I haven't bought a CD in years
What's the best advice ever given to you?: Tomorrow will be a better day
What are your future goals?: Marry a rich man =)
Do you like to dance?: I look like I'm having fits
Worst sickness you ever had?: A couple of weeks ago when I had an appendicitis scare
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?: Forgetting to switch my headlights off last night
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?: Stupid temper
Where do you shop the most?: Carrefour for my sushi and chocolates

Even more random stuff...

How many kids do you want to have?: A few
Son's name: Tristan
Daughter's name: No idea yet
Do you do drugs?: Not unless they've been prescribed
Do you drink?: Drink what?
What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?: V05
What sport do you hate the most?: Wrestling, the kind they show on TV
How many TV's do you have in your house?: One
Do you have your own?: No
Your own phone line?: One for work and another for play
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: My stuffed dog named Patrick
Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone?: Nothing broken but plenty sprained
Who do you dream about?: Family mostly, but I occasionally dream of friends and some random people I've never met

Are you Romantic?

Do you believe in Love?: Yes
Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?: An imaginary one
Do you have a crush?: Yes
Do you believe in Love at first sight?: Applies to babies and small animals only
Where would you like to go on your honeymoon?: Rome
What song do you want played at your wedding?: Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: His smile
Are you shy to ask someone out?: Ahbutthen
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?: You know, that one

Girls on Guys (Girls only, unless you're gay or something.)
*I find these questions extremely pointless

Boxers or briefs: Boxers
Curly or straight hair: Bald
Tall or short: Tall
Six pack or muscular arms: Washboard abs
Good or bad guys: *rolls eyes*
Ears pierced or not: Does it matter?
Tan or no tan: Tan, definitely
Dimples or not: Yes, please
Stubble or neatly shaven: Look good alright already lah *exasperated*
Rugged or sporty: James Deans to jocks
Studly or cutie: Refer to the answer above
Accent or not: Italian, please
Smart or dumb: You think?
What sports should he play?: He should be a swimmer <3
Dependent (whipped) or independent?: I don't want a pet

Guys on Girls (Guys only, unless you like to fondle tofu)

Sandals or thongs:
Painted nails or not:
Regular or sports bra:
Bra straps showing or not:
Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy:
smart or dumb:
Dark or blonde hair:
Long or short hair:
Curly or straight hair:
Dark, light, or crazy cool eyes:
Long or short nails:
Hat or no hat:
Good or bad girl:
Hair up or down:
Jewellery or none:
Tall or short:
Accent or no accent:
Pants or dress:
Tan or fair:
Freckles or none:
Shy or outgoing:
Talkative or quiet:
Pretty indoor chick or crazy party chick:

Choices, choices...

Lights on/off: Always off
Sun or rain?: Sun for a tan and rain for curling up indoors with a book
Do you like scary or happy movies better?: I like old school scary movies
On the phone or in person?: In person
Paper or plastic?: Paper
Summer or winter?: I'm so kampung that I've never experienced winter
Hugs or kisses?: Hugs make all the bad things go away
Chocolate or white milk: Both
Half empty or half full?: Depending on the day
CD or DVD: What kind of pointless question is this?
Vanilla or Chocolate?: If it's ice cream, it doesn't matter
Skiing or Boarding: I'm so kampung I haven't tried either
Day or night: I can frolick at the beach any time of the day
Sunset or sunrise: They make equally good pictures

Favourites...

Colours: White, black, green
Food: Chinese
Fast Food: Is not like fast food at all
Ice Cream Flavor: Butterscotch
Sport?: Swimming
Animal: Dog
Music?: Alternative, post-rock, emo
Song: If You Sleep - Tal Bachman
Band: OasisCranberriesEverclear <--- that's one band
Number: 2
Actor or Actress?: Sean Penn, Monica Bellucci
TV show: I don't watch TV
Clothes Brand: Topshop for their tanks and Levi's for their jeans Saying: Ha?

Confess thy sins..

Gotten Drunk?: A long time ago when I was still stupid
Broke the law?: Who hasn't?
Ran from the cops?: What for?
Tried to kill yourself?: Yeah, but I chickened out
Made yourself throw up?: Only when I had food poisoning or when I'm drunk
Been in love?: *sigh*
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: I cry all the time
Did/Said something to hurt someone?: Always

Reach out and Tag someone...

Quant
Meng
Melvyn
Swee Ping
The people who have nothing to blog about

Hujan ais!

2006-04-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

I was happily surfing eBay when the rain got too deafening for my liking.

Yes, it's a storm outside, I know.

But the noise is getting a bit impolite.

And then my maid comes running out.

"Hujan ais!"

I ran to my backyard.

Holy.

It was raining ice.

Little blobs of ice were bouncing off the grass in the midst of the heavy rain.

I watched for a few minutes.

Then I got bored.

This isn't the first time anyway.

*I would've taken a picture, but at the rate they were melting, I'd just get my camera wet.

Random Picture Pt.1

2006-04-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

I just felt like putting up a random picture.

*sigh* I miss the eMac. It was practically mine.

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 3

2006-04-05T15:51:00.000+08:00

I just found them in my camera.

I swear I didn't take these pictures.

This is what happens when you're the only one who has a camera with 10x optical zoom and you're off frolicking in the sun by yourself.

I started this blog

2006-04-04T16:53:00.000+08:00

There was a time, long before I moved to blogspot.com, that I took the anonymity for granted.

I could talk about anything at all.

Because the people who read my blog didn't know me.

Of late, self-censorship is beginning to sound like a dirty word to me.

I don't know how many drafts I have in here, never finished, never published.

Because I'm afraid of the people who visit my blog.

The people who know me, those who have seen me smile.

The ones who know what makes me tick.

The ones who know which buttons to push to open the floodgates.

The same group of people who know exactly what a drama queen I am.

And the weird thing is, I can't be completely honest with these people.

I can't write about what makes my heart bleed, or what exactly it was that so-and-so did to me at work.

Because they read my blog.

The world is a Friendster.

And I don't want their sympathy.

I started a blog because I wanted to rant.

This blog has long outlived its purpose.

Album cover

2006-04-01T20:23:00.000+08:00

There was once last year I was messing around with my camera and taking pictures of myself. And I took this once picture that I kinda liked and then started messing around with it on Photoshop.

I showed it to Kevin.

He said it looked like an album cover.

And he gave me this.

Thanks.

Elephants can swim

2006-03-31T15:52:00.000+08:00

There was a time when I was having an SMS conversation with Chino a few years ago.

And I was interrupted by my Dad saying that elephants could swim.

Like, in the sea.

Because he was watching National Geographic or Discovery or Animal Planet or something.

And I had just missed it.

I speed-texted Chino to share the newfound discovery with him.

His reply was "They memang can la, girl."

I had never felt so cheated in my whole life at that point of time.

What did he mean by they memang can?

I saw Yu-Ming online then and I told him the same thing.

He went "Yah can."

..........

At (then) 20 years old, I wondered if I was the only person in the entire universe who didn't know that elephants could swim.

*flops facedown onto bed and tries to suffocate self*

The lion sleeps tonight

2006-03-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

I love this.

*heart* <3

What's your elf name?

2006-03-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

Your Elf Name Is...

Flakey Mc Mini

What's Your Elf Name?

One of the reasons I love life

2006-03-28T16:39:00.000+08:00

I want to be a Toys R Us kid

2006-03-26T18:44:00.000+08:00

Of late, I'd been thinking of the amount of growing up that I'd done in the past couple of years.

And I realized that it is only with great reluctance that I'm growing up.

Money worries had been egging me. My little monster had been giving me problems, groaning and generally being a PMS-ey woman. Fatigue got the better of me after working 40 days straight. Even my phones are dying on me.

God must be doing his population control thing.

Because no one seemed to be laughing when he took my Ku Chiong away that morning.

And then there was Christie's dad. Jami's dad.

Three deaths in 3 weeks.

No one ever told me that I had to deal with the loss of loved ones. No one ever told me that it was part of the package of growing up.

I want to be 5 years old.

So that I could sit in the swing and it'd take my worries away. So that I could have all the piggyback rides that I want when I get tired of walking on my own.

I don't want to grow up.

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 2

2006-03-25T14:02:00.000+08:00

It didn't look like a spelling mistake to me. Not if it's a repetition. So go ahead, the hotel paking is inside.

Dresses make you feel pretty

2006-03-23T10:23:00.000+08:00

They do~

*runs around squealing in delight*

See, I got this little black dress the other day because I was going for a wedding dinner.

It had little sparkly bits in front, and it falls just above my knees. Had the right kind of schwing schwing when I walked.

Confirm make me feel like a million dollars lah.

*You guys just shaddup lah even if you disagree. Make me happy lah can?

Wifi is useless

2006-03-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

When the router is sitting right next to you.

And you're working from a desktop.

Getting disconnected every 35 seconds.

I've counted.

I hate this shit.

Why am I not well versed in all things related to technology?

*cries*

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2006-03-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: February 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.

Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.

When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.

It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

In no particular order

2006-03-11T03:35:00.000+08:00

I'm posting up pictures because I'm lazy.

*boo*

So I was at the Asia Pacific Videolab the other day.

For post-production.

Kononnya lah, right.

They have all these cool posters at APV, you see. And there's no reason why I should resist taking pictures especially when I have a camera with me.

Mei was emo-ing on the phone. Well, not exactly emo-ing lah. But she was on the phone for about 357976 years so I sibuk-ed around and took a picture or her a la emo movie poster style.

I propped the camera up on one of the many 35mm film cans they have lying around, and set the timer. Struck a pose. Hou lan yes ah. We can do it.

Maurizio took a picture of this while I was trying to entertain myself at the pool table. He said it looks like a cheeky monkey winking.

He also took a picture of me. See? Emo sial. I promise to grin when I get my teeth fixed. I promise.

It was 2am on a Thursday night. There was a grand total of 5 people at the post house, as you can see.

So I camwhore. And I camwhore some more. Sien giler babi. Cis.

They have some pretty cool signages in APV, which I had initially thought were put up just for fun. And then I found out.

See lah, see lah. Damn ghostly right? I told you there was a grand total of 5 people at the post house.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Maurizio Caduto, my Italian director from Milan who still speaks with an accent that makes me go, "Ha? What you say ah?"

See, that's Maurizio with our online editor. Sungguh bergaya nampak.

Ya Hui bought Jami a cake because we all knew that it was his birthday. And since he was so far away from home, we all decided to surprise him.

The birthday boy's 34 this year. Was, and still is one of my favorite directors, ever.

Good morning, Charlie. Ya Hui says she looks fat in the picture. Mei says she has a slight paunch. I think I look...um...not so pretty. So the only reason I'm putting this picture up is because Jami is in it.

I wasn't lying. I really was at APV. For post production.

*rolls on the floor, laughs self to death*

When you only have a hundred years to live

2006-03-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

So much had happened in the past few weeks.

It feels like I've lived a hundred years.

Just in the past few weeks.

My birthday came and went. Surprised with a birthday cake on shoot. Had about 40 people singing happy birthday to me. Hugs. Kisses. Back to work.

Missed the Oasis concert. Was up till 2am thinking of ways to make it to Singapore in 5 hours right after shoot. And I missed it. Then I bawled and fell asleep with the tickets on my bedside table.

Was shooting back to back for 4 days and went prepping for another job immediately after shoot. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I cried every other day for 2 weeks, never been so unhappy.

I haven't been home in a long time.

Work ate me up.

I haven't had a proper conversation with anyone in my family in ages.

I want to be home. Eating meals my mum cooked, listening to the sounds of my dad watching TV, catching up on newspapers.

One month.

It's been a long time since I'd been home.

A day less

2006-02-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

One more day.

3 hours.

I'll be 23.

Fuck, I feel old.

Aged.

I haven't been genuinely happy in a long time

2006-02-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

Why?

In love with life

2006-02-09T18:36:00.000+08:00

Why go to places far away?

Why wake up to see the sun rise?

Why swim in the lake?

Why wiggle my toes in the sand?

Why breathe in crisp, cool morning air?

Why cuddle up with children?

Why piggyback rides?

Why walk barefoot in the rain?

Why set off fireworks?

Why sit on the swing?

Why hug?

Why listen to thunderstorms?

Why keep childhood toys?

Why romp about in mud?

Why pixies?

Why take pictures?

Why laugh?

Why learn?

Why skip?

Why doodle?

Why indulge?

Because.

In love with life.

My Happy Meal

2006-02-08T01:45:00.000+08:00

There was a small piece of paper you gave me last year.

In a pretty shade of purple.

Lavender, maybe. I don't know.

I found a handmade necklace inside. Turquoise, quartz. Semi precious stones.

All wrapped in paper that had ants crawling all over it. Ants here and there.

"You're my cotton cloud, my Happy Meal."

I loved that necklace. I still do.

But I never wore it.

Dangly things at my neck make me nervous. They highlight my collarbone.

Maybe this year I'll remove my shamrock pendant and wear that pretty necklace you gave me.

I can risk not feeling lucky for a day.

After all, I was a Happy Meal once.

Back at work again

2006-02-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

I know I've promised to post up Part 2, I know I've promised.

But I'm reduced to blogging from the office eMac again.

Sigh.

Whatever.

Kong Hei Fatt Choy everyone =)

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 1

2006-02-04T13:10:00.000+08:00

I'm back from my CNY holidays and I've got a crapload of pictures to blog with.

One gripe, though, most pictures aren't mine.

Ternyatalah, I'm the person who works behind the camera and not in front of it.

Hrmmph.

Part 1 goes here.

It was exactly 3.40 am when I was awakened by the incessant ringing of my mobile phone. It was Elaine. "Babe, wake up. We should leave now. I can't sleep. I'm coming to pick you up now alright?" *click*

Needless to say, we got to Penang many, many hours ahead of schedule (not like we scheduled anything to begin with, anyway). And it was a glorious day~

Met up with the Penang sakai, who made us wait for 3 hours for breakfast. We both would've died just waiting for her. I swear.

Elaine took a nap while Emily and I caught up in the hotel room. And then it was off to the beach we go~ *skipskipfrolickfrolick* See, beautiful day? See?!

First things first. Camwhore. And then sunblock/suntan oil/beach blanket/hunk watch. Camwhore.

PS. As I have a whole crapload of pictures to blog with, I shall ration it to only 5 a day *evil cackle*. You wanna see, you wait loh!

And a very happy CNY to all

2006-01-28T18:24:00.000+08:00

Before I disappear for the CNY holidays, I'd like to show off the only CNY card I got in snail mail this morning from Quant.

Makes me feel so *special*.

A CNY card for me? In *gasp* snail mail? This is too good to be true.

Yes, I can always depend on Quant for little surprises like these.

I like the message inside. Especially the part about heaploads of cute guys. I like.

This looks a little like the two of us poking our noses into everything =)

For the past 2 weeks

2006-01-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

I'd been freelancing in a new place.

The people are nice, friendly.

Ohkay fine. They're all kelakar nak mampus.

And then there's the obligatory camwhore session.

This is my producer Jacie. She gave me a backrub when I had a horrible backache and couldn't even stand up properly. Very nice girl.

Line producer Edwin. I can't not laugh when he's around. He's taught me and immortalized the phrase "hou lan yes ah".

Joe shares my surname. Only, he drives an Evo 7 and he's the heir to his family's empire. Oh, and he has a Powerbook, too.

Wennie is the intern from Penang. Very hardworking girl. But I think she should lose that pose.

Beautiful, he said

2006-01-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

Two days ago, we were both stuck in a jam on the way home.

So we got to know each other.

And then he asked if I ever had long hair.

I showed him my IC.

"You should let your hair grow again," said he.

"Why?"

"Because you look beautiful with long hair."

Beautiful, he said.

I smiled all the way home.

Little does he know, he just made my entire month.

Testing

2006-01-18T11:04:00.000+08:00

Can you guys see this?

I'm blogging from the office on a Mac OS9.

Holler if you see this, yeah?

Me, you and a bottle of wine

2006-01-11T21:05:00.000+08:00

Two nights ago, I was sitting by the lake near my house. With two glasses, a bottle of white wine, great view of the Federal Highway, and Leonard.

Oh, his canggih phone, too.

The phone still managed to show the world what ugly feet I have despite the lack of light there.

And so between the two of us we polished off the wine.

Some Chardonnay something. 2004. White. Yeah, like I really care what it is. I wouldn't be able to tell if you gave me something that costs 5 bucks.

Many things were talked over that night. Career advancement, relationships, people, being silly, music videos. Life.

Leonard couldn't have put it better when he said, "Hey, I don't know what will happen tomorrow. And I don't know if I'll still be here. But if I'm not, I'm glad that I sat here and had wine with you tonight."

I'm glad, too.

What did you do today?

2006-01-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since anyone asked me that.

Thank you.

Exactly 365 days ago

2006-01-08T20:15:00.000+08:00

I remember what happened exactly 365 days ago. Do you remember?

It's like falling in love all over again

2006-01-04T17:26:00.000+08:00

I fell in love when I was an intern back in 2003.

Oh, there were the usual hurdles and shitpiles that I had to waddle past.

It's been more than 2 full years since then. And I fell in and out of love many, many times. At times, I'm so happy that I didn't think it was possible for my heart to contain it all. Other times, all I wanted to was to throw in the towel, sit in a little corner and cry.

I got an email in my work inbox today. Pleasant surprise, it was. Made me fall in love all over again.

This was what I fell in love with 2 years ago. This was what I'd been busy with the first 2 weeks of December.

*I love that mini camwhore. I *heart* her

2006 already?

2006-01-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

On January 1st each year, I've always managed to make the boo-boo of saying things like next year, not really realizing that it already is next year.

Yeah, so anyway.

I haven't had anything planned on my 2006 calendar yet, save for the Oasis Asian Tour concert in February. No, they're not coming here. They'll be in Singapore, which is only about a stone's throw away from here.

*Hint: They'll be in Singapore in February. Coincidentally, I'm born in February...

I have made a new year's resolution:

I need to gain weight.

Never in my entire life have I lost 4kgs in 3 months. And no, I'm still not anorexic yet. I'll let you know when the day comes, alright? So wipe those smug looks off your faces now.

On with it.

I spent a quiet NYE with Tania at Chili's in BSC. And we were so engrossed with our dinner (I had this chicken/prawn/rice/brocolli/cauliflower dish thingy and a beer and a large milkshake) and non-stop coversation that we didn't even notice the first few seconds of fireworks.

We decided to try bumping into friends at the Telawi area after dinner (when the countdown and fireworks were long over) and I was very rduely reminded, with snow spray in my face and silly string trailing down my back, the very reason I never liked Bangsar on the eves of celebrations.

Rascism aside, what is it with Indian guys attacking vulnerable looking girls who are without any male company? Does it look like girls will be turned on if you spray their faces with foam?

No. And I showed some random guy my middle finger while screaming obscenities at him. Surprisingly, I wasn't the only doing so. Tania looked like she would've punched this other guy if she caught on with him.

Perhaps I've had enough with street parties/celebrations/snow-and-silly-string fests on eves of holidays. Or perhaps I'm just an old fogey.

Perhaps I'll just spend quality time at home with my telly 364 days from now.

PS. My parents were attending a cousin's wedding in Kuala Kangsar and left me in the dark, thus, putting my plans to have dinner with them into the bin when dinnertime came and went and I realized they aren't gonna be home. Sigh.

Dear all

2005-12-31T17:12:00.000+08:00

I wish you enough.

Happy New Year.

*Happy birthday Terrence

Goodbye December

2005-12-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

There is always something about December that makes me happy, makes me sad. Something that I still can't manage to put a finger on.

December makes the eyes blind and the heart see.

December always leaves me with a bittersweet aftertaste in the mouth.

December always starts slowly, and ends really quickly.

December to me, like millions of other people, is a month of reflections, a month that puts a closure to all things good and bad in the year that had been.

In my opinion, all months should be the same, up or down. What is it about December that sets it apart from all the other months? Why should it be special, you ask?

For starters, December marks the month that I had started off without Josh. Come December, I began that dreaded solo flight, one that I never wanted to be ready for.

December, I stand on my own, I stopped going for late night visits to the park to sit on the swings.

December, I broke that promise I made so long ago, when things were good, when he still held my hand as we walked down that endless road that was lit by eternal sunshine but led nowhere.

December, you held me close and asked how I'd been doing. I didn't think it was necessary to have told you the truth. It wouldn't really matter anyway, would it?

December, I embarked on a journey that paved my career path with the who's-who in my field of work.

December, I can't stand that suffocation, that choking familiarity that everything that should've been mine, just aren't mine anymore.

December, I laughed with gusto, I wept with longing.

December, I share with an old love, not quite forgotten, but impossible to reignite.

December, let the year come to a proper closure. Let December come to an end and make way for a fresh start.

December, I miss you.

December, I love you.

Goodbye December.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Picture courtesy of Quant

Christmas in Kiasu-land

2005-12-28T15:29:00.000+08:00

I told you I'd come back.

See?

I even brought pictures back *giggles*

Quant and I had decided to go away for Christmas. Last minute. So there was a mad rush in getting train tickets and booking the hotel. But all was well.

Behold, my grand escapade to Kiasu-land.

I would've really liked this picture except that there's this kelefeh in the background who couldn't really stand our camwhoring skills. Our seats were just...boards. Ick.

Moments before arriving at the Woodlands Checkpoint. I look really happy here you see. But I haven't slept at all.

While waiting for about a million other people to get past the checkpoint. I put on my Heidi/ Santarina hat, much to the envy of a couple of pre-school kids.

Toufoo marinated in garbage juice. Ha ha. It didn't taste as bad as it stank, actually. I had a couple of pieces and I'm still walking.

There was a time when we lived 10 minutes away from each other. It was good to see him in Singapore.

When we were all still dewy fresh and snap-happy along the stretch of Orchard Road on Christmas Eve.

Quant had a cuter hat which she paraded around Orchard in. Too bad it got ruined that night.

It looks like our tongues are touching. Eww.

Even guys look good with cute hats. Ha ha.

It snowed in Orchard minutes before midnight struck. It really did. I swear.

I *heart* this picture. All dishevelled and covered in mock-snow. Still snap-happy.

The evil Malaysian in me had traipsed all the way to Singapore to show them what vandalism is.

I was walking really slowly. Slower. Slower. Until I refused to walk. Completely. So I asked for a piggyback ride. And I got a ride home. Yay~

I was here the next day after meeting up with my aunt for lunch. My aunt says most Filipino maids are here on Sundays. Plus, it's Christmas. The graffitti isn't there anymore. Dang.

I think these guys were cool. They were making layan music. Look how unaffected they are by the hustle and bustle in the subway on Christmas Day.

Outside in the streets, there were carollers. And there was this other guy, some lead singer something. He was horrible.

I just had to do the touristy thing. See, I was there.

We did the touristy thing and went to the Night Safari. We were afraid. So afraid.

Posing maut is good. Posing maut is very good.

The evil Malaysian in me strikes again. Show them Singaporeans how to break away from monotony. Hah.

Elephants stink. They do.

We saw the real hyenas but they weren't laughing. So we had to settle for the...um...fake ones.

*So malas to write. But at least I get to show off my pictures *cackles*

I will come back

2005-12-23T19:05:00.000+08:00

I know. I know. I said goodbye.

But put it this way. Goodbye's forever. How do you say goodbye to something that's a part of you?

Not possible.

I'll come back soon.

I promise.

With pictures *huge grin*

Goodbye

2005-11-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

I was thinking it over while taking a shower a little while ago.

I have decided that I want to close this blog.

It is time to move on.

I have made new friends in this blog. I have rediscovered old ones here.

It had been great. It had been the best year of my life.

Thank you all for coming by regularly to offer words of kindness and support. I appreciate all that you've done for me. I really do.

But for now, it is time to move on, time to grow up.

PS. I thought I'd share this with you. My shamrock pendant is finally on the way here to me. All the way from the US to Australia and then here to Malaysia. To me. I'd been wanting a shamrock pendant for a long time, so that I can feel lucky everyday. Only one month to go.

Need to sleep

2005-11-16T02:02:00.000+08:00

It's late.

2am.

I have a headache.

I can't sleep.

Whee~

2005-11-12T16:49:00.000+08:00

The funfair at the 1 Utama carpark pretty much rocked my socks.

They had this in Sunway Lagoon and they called it the Sky Flyer. I went on it once when I was about 13, I think.

The rides there are pretty pricey, ranging between 2 to 4 tokens per ride (each token costs RM2). But, well, once you're there, I don't think you'll just pay for the RM3 entrance fee and walk around to take in the sights, right?

The ferris wheel was huge. And I can't believe we all forgot to take a ride in it.

So, anyway. I was pretty excited about the Sky Rider thingy. It's like a baby swing suspended on long chains except that it spins really fast. Really fast. Very good. I like.

Josh and Quant were very adventurous. They took a spin (literally) on the Vortex. Mei Mei and I were feeling nauseous just looking at them.

Ohkay, fine. I was actually afraid.

Moving on. There's this one other ride that was just spinningspinningspinning and it gave me a backache. I don't like.

And ohhhhhhhhh. We played bumper cars, too~. I don't remember the last time I played bumper cars, but I figured this is a pretty good way to tame the road bully in me. I was attacking leftrightupdowncentre. Die, you all~

I was bumping everyone in sight. See, bump. Don't see, still bump. I like~

*ahem*

And Elaine, just so that you know you're still my friend, I went on the Challenger. And I did not throw up. You can ask Josh or Mei Mei *grins widely*

To be fair, I was feeling woozy the whole night after that last ride. No good.

I needed to take a breather after the Challenger. I had to swallow my screams.

I have one major gripe.

Why isn't there any cotton candy?

Mei Mei took this picture of us. It's supposed to resemble Winter Sonata. Ha ha.

.....

2005-11-10T14:08:00.000+08:00

I was stalking Xiaxue's blog, you see. Out of sheer boredom. Absolutely.

And then I don't know what possessed me. But I read all the comments in her latest post.

One link led to another.

Oh dear.

Whatever happened to Dawn?

*shudder*

Land of not that many wonders

2005-11-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

See, these are the kind of pictures my mum and dad used to take when we went to Genting. I don't think that seesaw thing is there anymore.

I remember going to Genting when I was a little girl.

I was probably at most 3 years old.

At age 3, everything's exciting, everything's fascinating.

It didn't matter that kids weren't allowed into the casino. Why would I wanna go in there anyway?

Plus, I had a colorful poncho to keep me warm.

This is one of the three pictures we took in Genting. Yes it was in the room. We don't pride ourselves in being original.

I went to Genting a couple of weeks ago with Josh.

I didn't have a poncho to keep me warm, but I was excited about finally being old enough to walk into the casino.

But all the same I had to show my identity card.

Rubbish.

And I lost 30 bucks to the slot machine.

Josh lost about 150 bucks.

Maybe Genting ain't that fascinating after all.

Tag! I'm it.

2005-11-08T02:45:00.000+08:00

I decided to pay Kevin's blog a visit and found out that he'd tagged me.

So here goes:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten Years Ago I was...
...a straight A's student for my UPSR *sprinkles confetti at everyone* I was also a first time aunt.

5 years ago I was...
...a wallflower in school, but hey, I enjoyed school a lot. I burnt myself to a crisp at the F1 race in Sepang and I had funky tan lines in all my senior prom pictures. Such a waste, though, because I thought I had a pretty decent dress and a mak datin hairdo to complement it. I was also pretty stupid.

1 year ago I was...
...shitting bricks in my pants. Literally. Was having a horrible time dealing with my inner demons and I looked anorexic. I was also seriously considering making a living out of running around with cameras.

Yesterday I was...
...out at Silva with Quant till 3-something-am bitching about everyone. Saja.

5 snacks I enjoy...

Mars bar
Maltesers
Crunchie
Ebiko with wasabi
Cremosa

5 Songs I Know All the Words to...

If You Sleep by Tal Bachman
Belaian Jiwa by Innuendo
Wonderful by Everclear
Only God Knows Why by Kid Rock
Lullaby by Shawn Mullins

5 things I would do with a 100 Million splurges...

Buy myself about a hundred pairs of Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks and Ferragamos. Each.
Give my parents about 99% of it since I bet they'll know better what to do with the money, anyway.
Get a Morris Minor and soup it up. Yeah baby~
Pay off all the family loans/debts/premiums/installments/whatchamacallits.
Eat.

5 Bad Habits...

Giggling at all the wrong times
Burping in the car after a meal heavily laced with garlic or onions
Wanting to go for manicures/pedicures all the time
Asking for toilet breaks 5 minutes after the journey has started
Snacking before mealtimes

5 Biggest Joys...

Being my mother's daughter
Still being able to enjoy life's simple pleasures at this ripe old age
Having made lifetime friends
Laughing at least once a day
The rubber balls, the fireworks, the holidays, the lollies, the necklace, the walks, the talks, and the doing-nothing-at-alls

5 Favourite Toys...

Play Doh
Those green plastic soldiers
Masak-masak
Lego
Wooden building blocks

5 Things I Would Never Wear...

Clip-on earrings
Shoulder pads
Hair net
Scarlet panties
High-waisted anything

5 Favourite TV Shows...

--(This section is not applicable as I don't watch TV often enough to have even one favorite, let alone five)--

5 Fictional Characters I Would Date...

Genjo Sanzo
Cho Hakkai
Sha Gojyo
Kougaiji
Sailormoon's boyfriend

5 Celebrities I Wanna Date...

Robbie Williams
Jakob Dylan
Dolores O'Riordan
Paolo Maldini
Johnny Depp

5 People I Tag...

Oh How I've Grown

2005-11-06T18:19:00.000+08:00

Phang took some pictures of Hooi Yee and I last week for his assignment. We passed the playground on the way to his place and he suggested that Hooi Yee and I crawl in to those bright tunnels for a picture.

We obliged.

Oh dear. We've grown so much and it's so cramped up inside we can hardly breathe properly...

We were glad that it took less than 5 minutes before Phang got the shot he wanted. Good. Or we'd have died in there. Of muscle pulls or something like that.

When I got out, I realized just how much I've grown over the years. Gone were the days when I could play hide and seek in those tunnels, crouching, crawling, scraping my knees.

Gone were days like these when those tunnels looked like double storey houses to me.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2005-10-29T13:46:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth.
While you may not be a total hippie...
You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around.

You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure.
However, you do put some thought behind all your actions.
Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Don't ask

2005-10-21T02:54:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me if I'd like to go for dinner with you, because I've never turned you down before.

Don't ask me where next, because I don't really care where we go as long as we go there together.

Don't ask me if I'm alright sitting there alone, because I'll always be alright as long as you're close by.

Don't ask me if I mind hanging out with your friends, because I really don't.

Don't ask me what's on my mind if I'm unusually quiet, because I may be just really tired.

Don't ask me what's wrong with me, because I don't know the answer myself.

Don't ask me if it's alright that you want to head home early, because I know you'll want me to say yes.

Don't ask me if it's that time of the month, because I may be sad for many other reasons.

Don't ask me not be angry with you, because you know I'll never be.

Don't ask me why my eyes are swollen, because I don't really want to tell you why I was crying.

Don't ask me why I love you, because I just do.

The truth about girls

2005-10-18T15:25:00.000+08:00

Got this off my Friendster bulletin.

Gossip isn't a sin. It's an art.
We aren't ashamed to cry.
We must go to the bathroom in groups
We have this thing called feelings. Don't hurt them.
We don't wake up looking pretty. It takes time and effort.
Sometimes is just never quite enough.
We need girls nights OFTEN.
We hold grudges and we never forget the things you say to us that hurt.
It doesn't matter who dumped who or why. Whenever we see an ex with another girl, it always bothers us. Not because we're not over you, but because we know we used to be that girl.
Makeup can hide so many things, like puffy eyes from crying to huge scars from a broken heart.
Never ever ask a girl what she weighs; or imply anything about her weight being too much or too little. Just don't do it.
Never ask a girl if she's being so bitchy because of PMS...because other things annoy us...duh.
As much as we say we didn't like you that much...we did.
Girls notice every little thing so be careful what you say and do.
Our eyes are located in our heads. Not our chest or butt. When you're not looking in our eyes, WE KNOW.
We get a feeling in our gut when things are wrong (seriously true).
Sometimes we trust you because we want to even when we know you are lying, and it hurts.

Don't ask me to validate all these statements because I'm not going to. Why? Please refer to no. 4 *cackles evilly*

Whatever.

My favorite lecturer

2005-10-16T15:34:00.000+08:00

Because I like Mr. Chee so much, I snuck a picture of him during last Friday's class.

The shutter went click.

And he yelled at me, "This is not a photography class!"

I like Mr. Chee. He's cool. I'm serious. I was yelled at 2 seconds after this picture was taken.

La Vie en Rose

2005-10-14T00:08:00.000+08:00

A Friday ago, I was 10 minutes late for my Journalism 112 class.

As I brisk walked to class, I was surprised to see Mr. Chee having his nicotine break outside.

Too early for a break, I thought to myself.

I mumbled my hurried apologies and he said something along the lines of getting my ass into the class.

Some dude (from Marketing or somewhere, I think) was giving out evaluation forms to the students. It's that time of the year again when we get to bitch about who we really like (and think is doing a good job) and who we think should be shown the exit when the semester ends.

Mr. Chee is about 62 years old and hard of hearing. He has a smile that reminds me of my grandfather; it lights up his face and makes him look young despite the crows' feet at the corners of his eyes. He's probably one of the only lecturers that I've met so far who's honestly interested in sharing his knowledge with his students.

I liked Mr. Chee, of course. I like the way he made us sing that Brother John song in about a thousand languages.

To develop an appreciation for language, he says.

I like the way he's never stingy with praises, and very generous with criticism.

He hates that we have to study from books, and encourages us to read the papers and surf the internet more often.

So, anyway, when Mr. Chee reentered the class, he barked, "Oh, come on. How long does it take for you people to condemn me in that piece of paper anyway? Just do that damn thing and let us carry on with the class."

Someone's in a foul mood today.

And so we got on to our lessons.

People walked in an hour into the class. People sauntered in without looking the slightest bit apologetic. People talked and whispered in class. People banged about in class when they brought in the extra chairs for themselves.

He had enough.

And he lectured us about the importance of being punctual.

"It's not too difficult to come to class on time, is it? Why are you late? I know studying is not the easiest thing to do in the world and at times it can get pretty uphill. I know because I've been there, too. You're all privileged enough to be sent to pursue your tertiary education. Why don't you like what you're studying? Why don't you try to like it? Why do you produce lackadaisical work? Why don't you have passion for what you do?"

He left it at that.

At the end of the class, he said to us, "Before you go, I want you to listen to three versions of the same song. It's called La Vie en Rose. The first is by a soprano from Hong Kong, recorded in Mandarin, the second is by a Spanish singer called Julio Iglesias. The last one is sung by a French singer called Edith Piaf. Listen to all three and let me know which one sounds the most passionate to you."

La Vie en Rose.

Most of us agreed that the version by Edith Piaf sounded the most passionate.

And then Mr. Chee told us that Edith Piaf was born in the streets and was blind at one point of her life. Her mother was a street acrobat and she was the singer alongside her mother's shows. Life was difficult, life was harsh. Yet, la vie en rose. Life is rosy, she sings.

"Class, life was difficult for her, probably a lot more difficult than a lot of yours are. But she has passion in what she does. Life is still rosy to her. I hope you'll all find an Edith Piaf in you one day."

I sat there, stunned.

"Class dismissed."

My friends, Gao and Boe

2005-10-08T14:05:00.000+08:00

I was fast asleep in bed on a cold Thursday morning.

My eyes flew open at exactly 4.56am and the first thing I saw was that the screen on my phone was lit.

1 message received

Funny, I didn't hear the message tone. So why did I open my eyes then?

It was from Gao, sent at 4.50am. It said:

Hello friends, I will be leaving Malaysia tonight to begin a different chapter of life. It's been a lovely stay thanks to all of you. Hope our paths will cross again in the near future.

I didn't fall asleep again after that even though my class is at 10am. Much later.

In stark contrast to the post below to mark my 100th entry, I was struck by a sudden pang of sadness when it finally hit me that Gao and Boe were leaving for good.

Gao was the one who drove my car and chauffeured me to Bandar Sri Damansara because I didn't know the way there. It says a lot about my sense of direction when an African boy knew KL better than I did.

The African boy who drove me places in my car, November 2004 at Jon's place.

When we went to Penang last year, it was Gao who bought us tickets from Pudu the day before because I was just as clueless as Boe and Michelle were.

Michelle, Jon, Gao and I frolicking in the beach, August 2004. *photo courtesy of Thomas and Jon's Nikon D70*

Gao, Michelle and I, lost in Gurney drive August 2004. *photo courtesy of Boe*

The nights and mornings when we were shooting echoes were long and tiring and Gao kept me awake on most nights.

There is a small Italian restaurant a stone's throw away from my house that I've always been wanting to go to. On the way home from college one day, Gao suggested that we have lunch there. The food was delicious.

There were mornings when I'd go over to Gao's place for editing and I'd end up sleeping on the couch while he worked, only to wake up to the finished product.

Last month, Gao came over and ate a whole tub of Ribena jelly that I had made. A whole tub. And he didn't complain at all.

Gao, reluctant to be photographed with a slightly tipsy me, November 2004 at Jon's place.

We were on many shoots together, big and small. We've worked on group assignments together many, many times. We've been to focus groups with students from various universities and Gao outshone us all with his quiet demeanour and rational debate. Yes, that sole African boy surrounded by about 10 Malaysian undergraduates.

This same African boy who grew up in a farm in Botswana. This African boy who told me about his hunting trips in the wild, and of the bitter cold in Botswana when winter comes around.

This African boy, my friend.

*photo courtesy of Jon and his Nikon D70*

Gao made me laugh, many times, with his put on Malaysian accent and his exaggerated use of lah. Yet, at times, Gao catches me by surprise with his observation of Malaysians. Things I've overlooked before when it comes to my own kind.

In the years that I've known Gao, I've enjoyed his company. And I'm always bowled over by his intelligence and wit.

He's probably halfway home to his farm by now, and I'm missing him already.

I hope to see Gao next Christmas. I want to ride in a tractor around the farm and go hunting at night. I want to know what winter's like in Botswana. And then maybe, we can go to Boe's place after that.

Boe, my other African friend who can leave me laughing till my sides hurt, November 2004 at Jon's place

I hope to see you next Christmas, Boe, July 2005 *photo courtesy of Tania with my Kodak DX7590*

Just call me Saffron, will you?

Migrated

Thank you, all

Press to detonate

Good day to you, too, asshole

Mind boggling issue

Wake me up when September ends

Cleaning up my PC

I, Robot

Girls watch World Cup, too

Notice

Blood ties

Life Sentence

Missing

Making of a commercial

*fidget fidget*

EMO!!!!11ONEone

No longer a Thai Club virgin

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 7

Lancer teases Monster

OMG 3 DOWN~

A quick note to all

Who says I don't eat?

I did it my way

Fishing

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 6

Happy Birthday Sayang~ Pt. 3

Happy Birthday Sayang~ Pt.2

Thank you

Happy Birthday Sayang~

This is how I feel today

The final batch of pictures from the World Cup outing

We both know

My Confession - A Picture Diary

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 5

Stories for my mother

Herd mentality irritates me

Happy Birthday Edwin~

Curly Luke

There you go

Guess where I was on the 8th of March 2006?

How long would it take for men to discover my potential?

Drown with Me - The Video

Singing in the shower

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 4

If you get wet, you'll get sick

My first speaking part

Yay~

Crap!

Saffron is Miss June

I'd rather be full of shit

Me-me

Hujan ais!

Random Picture Pt.1

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 3

I started this blog

Album cover

Elephants can swim

The lion sleeps tonight

What's your elf name?

One of the reasons I love life

I want to be a Toys R Us kid

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 2

Dresses make you feel pretty

Wifi is useless

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

In no particular order

When you only have a hundred years to live

A day less

I haven't been genuinely happy in a long time

In love with life

My Happy Meal

Back at work again

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 1

And a very happy CNY to all

For the past 2 weeks

Beautiful, he said

Testing

Me, you and a bottle of wine

What did you do today?

fidget fidget